Burgies of Melby

Looking back over my reviews and all suburbs and towns they've taken me to has, in the context of the current situation, really made me feel as if I've taken things for granted. The idea of driving to Geelong or Maribyrnong for a burger seems like some getaway fantasy or a faded memory of the good ol' days. This lockdown, even though it's only a month old, has truly been surreal for this privileged city slicker. This pandemic has been an experience like no other. Let's hope it ends soon. As a result of all the restrictions in place, Chloe and I have been keeping our culinary quests fairly local. Luckily, we find ourselves situated near a plethora of restaurants and takeaways, many of which offer burgers. So it was that we ordered some takeaway from Jacky Jones, a glossy, stylish fish and chip shop that also does burgers. I ordered The Alabama. The big American name and accompanying photo on Uber Eats drew me in and I never considered purchasing anything else. It...

With the pubs closed, fishing banned and footy postponed, I've had plenty of time to keep up with chores and take household responsibility. This pandemic is quickly turning me into a proper adult, causing me to leave my mid-twenties boyhood behind. In spite of that, I still insist on reviving this cheesy little blog. Boredom doesn't always breed the best in us so I took leave from my slow and laborious apprenticeship as a home cook and ordered Chloe and I some burgers. In a show of gustatory partnership, Chloe and I ordered the same burger. The Barbie contains double  beef, double cheese, bacon, Sweet Baby Ray's barbecue sauce, onion rings and gherkin. The smashed patties and buns are soft and despite coming across as big on paper, the burger is actually easy to grasp and a very clean eating affair. Spillage, much like the burger in the last review, is minimal. The cheese here is melted to perfection and is a delight to pick off the wrapper. The sauce is sweet and tangy...

With COVID-19 dominating the news and a stage 3 lockdown upon us, life is becoming fairly dull. Without sports to watch or pubs to drink at, boredom has begun to kick in. A reduction in work hours has seen me stuck at home for the past three Tuesdays and I've quickly found myself with nothing to do on the day before hump day. This blog will therefore be making a return so I can feel like I'm doing something half-productive between watching episodes of Futurama. Since Chloe was out being essential at work, I was home alone. After knocking some quick chores on the head I decided to spice things up and browsed Uber Eats, looking for a good burger joint to review from the comfort of my couch. I landed on a restaurant called Sideshow Burgers and so on a quiet, sunlit autumn afternoon, I stayed inside, sat on my couch and ordered junk food. I bought the Snake Charmer and the SS Mackie, the former a burger, the latter mac and cheese croquettes. The Snake Charmer includes southern ...

Pinball and pool, beer and burgers; that's the best way to describe Bob's Diner. Throw in the Big Buck Hunter arcade game situated between the pinball machines and you can treat yourself to a quasi-redneck experience in the suburb of Doncaster. There's nothing hipster about the American style this restaurant tries to emulate. Tacked on to the local watering hole (the Doncaster Hotel), Bob's Diner might be guilty of following the burger trend that has swept over the city in the last decade, but that's where the insincerity stops. With the relentless chime of pokies and the endless stream of race commentary in the background, you can pull up a stool and hack into a burger while watching Race 8 at Dapto. Grab a bowl of onion rings and a pot of Carlton Draught to wash it all down and bam, you have yourself a quality meal. Yeah, I had a bowl of onion rings and a pot of Carlton Black to go with my Mac & Cheese Burger. With a creamy mac and cheese patty, bacon, tom...

The Fish & Burger Co. is one of the best burger joints in this city and really probably should've been the first review for this blog. Instead it has taken us until the 19th post to finally sit down and critique Melbourne's finest food. I had the Mac Daddy, which I have eyed off on many occasions without actually ordering it, opting for other burgers such as the Ol' School Cheese, Hey Hombre and the Double Chilli Cheese (all fantastic options). The Mac Daddy's selling point as a burger is that along with all the regular ingredients (beef, cheddar, onions, pickles, lettuce and secret sauce), it also packs a mac and cheese croquette. As a fan of all things pasta and cheese, I loved it, but as a lactose-intolerant individual, I also very much hated it. Intestinal discomfort aside, the Mac Daddy does have a couple of minor flaws. I don't feel that pickles belong with mac and cheese as the flavours don't compliment each other. Less of them would be nice (or j...

A new year means new burger adventures so today we set the GPS for Gorilla Grill in Maribyrnong and shot down the Calder Highway. Gorilla Grill is quite active on Instagram and they always post dashing photos of their fare so going there was an easy decision. Did the food live up to the hype in real life? I must admit it probably didn't. Chloe had the King Kong, which is a little small for its name. Sure, it has double beef, double cheese, double bacon and a triple serve of BBQ sauce, but a burger named after a giant, fearsome gorilla needs to be towering on the table, not neatly wrapped up. On top of that, it's a little dry and if you ignore the generous amount of BBQ sauce, there's not much flavour to it. Chloe thought it was a reasonable burger but she did agree that there's perhaps a little too much BBQ sauce. I had the Krusty Burger, which boasts 'Krusty' fried chicken, tomato, lettuce, cheese, aioli and bacon. The chicken was incredibly crispy,...

After an impromptu outing at Bundoora Park, Chloe and I got hungry and went searching for food. We found a burger joint just across the road in the new Polaris development, which has unfortunately taken over the old Larundel Mental Asylum and turned the derelict buildings into allegedly stylish apartments and shops (although the main building is still a crumbling mass of graffiti). With my ghost-hunting days behind me (the police apprehended me and a mate here a few years ago), I settled in for a burger with Chloe, thoughts of apparitions and asbestos far from my mind. Usually I'd comprehensively list the ingredients here, copying it straight from a menu I found on the internet. Flippin Burgers offers no such luxury so I'm going to go off the photo I took of the burgers and my faulty memory to describe what we ate. I'll start with the Chick Me Out, which is a very tasty burger that comprises of fried buttermilk chicken, slaw, cheese, pickles and mayo. Chloe ordered this o...

I was shouted a feed by Chloe's sister, Madi, at Demazzi Stone Grill in Essendon for my 23rd birthday. This restaurant has been on our list of places to go for burgers for a while now, so our visit was a little overdue. I came in with big expectations, having followed Demazzi Stone Grill on Instagram for a while and being told that this place offers the best burgers in Melbourne. Some of these expectations were met, others were exceeded, and some were left a little lacking. I had the Mack Burger. It packs double beef, double cheese, lettuce, pickles and mack sauce. I've written a lot about soft buns and soft patties, but this burger takes out the title for the softest I've ever eaten. It's like the proverbial hot knife through butter. The incredible softness means there's a complete lack of crispiness and crunch. It's an interesting trade-off, especially when crispiness and crunch evoke feelings of eating something fresh. This could be due to a lack of i...

Ah, Epping. One can say many things about this sprawling industrial suburb, both good and bad. Today I'll focus on one of the good things, and that is Laurie Dee's, located at Pacific Epping (or Epping Plaza, depending on who you are) just outside the cinemas. Good old Laurie Dee's is a little different to what we usually hit up when we're hungry for a burgy. There's no murals, or vegan and gluten-free options. The burgies don't have hipster names and onion rings aren't on the menu. There's not even that many burgies on offer, with just four to choose from. On top of that, they call out your order through a speaker system, which you can even hear from the toilets. One gets the feeling that this restaurant was selling burgies before they became cool. I had the Laurie Dee Double, which packs two freshly minced beef patties, grilled onions, melted cheddar, Special D Sauce, tomato, lettuce, diced pickles and green relish. The patties here aren't ...

Straight Six opened in Templestowe recently, adding another dining venue to the crowded Templestowe Village. I've been following this restaurant for a while on Instagram and I'm glad they've opened a store closer to home, saving us a trip all the way to Flemington. The Phar Lap - with its wagyu beef patty, American cheddar, Straight Six sauce, house pickles, blanched onions, lettuce, and tomato - tastes much like an 8bit With Cheese. That looks like lazy writing, but that's what it tastes like. If you blindfolded me and served up an 8bit With Cheese next to a Phar Lap, my guess would be as good as the toss of a coin. You could say both restaurants have nailed down their basic burgies. The Makybe Diva, which boasts a southern fried chicken fillet, American cheddar, slaw, chipotle aioli and, smokey barbecue sauce, is very good. The slaw isn't stuffed into the burgy to the point of overflowing, as can be the case with chicken burgies. The aioli and barbecue sauce m...

We got a little hungry on our way to see some 2008-style scene-teen tunes by Escape the Fate, so we stopped by one of my favourite restaurants, 8bit. It's safely ensconced in my top three burgy joints in this city and I highly recommend it to anyone who fancies a burgy from time to time. The Swanston Street restaurant is fairly accessible by bus, train and tram, so there's no excuses for not going. The flagship store, however, is in Footscray, where the line snakes out the door and down the street. I had the 8bit With Cheese, which is the first item on the menu. It packs all the usual suspects as ingredients, such as: beef tomato lettuce red onion pickles cheese mustard ketchup 8bit sauce The mustard is the headline act in this burgy. It receives strong support from the onion and 8bit sauce. The patty was a little pink on the inside, and the buns were soft. This isn't some charred, grisly burger. I loved it. Madi had the Double Dragon, which includes: ...

It's been a while, folks. Chloe and I have been bogged down with work and uni. Unfortunately we haven't had the time to try anything new until now, when Chloe suggested we try out a cheeky little joint called Mad Patties. I was more than happy to oblige, especially since one of the lads from Crust had actually suggested Mad Patties to me many months back. Mad Patties is a little joint with a handful of stools inside and a few tables outside. Its size and simplicity is endearing. It's a classic burgy joint that doesn't reek of hipsters or assault your eyes with some big American theme (although there are several vegan options). The focus is on big, juicy burgers and good service, which is how a burgy joint should be. I had the Panko Tango, which boasts panko crumbed chicken, cheese, pickles, bacon, lettuce and sweet mayo. The panko breadcrumbs are thick and crunchy, adding genuine bite and texture to the burgy. The pickles are juicy and generous, and are cut into cri...

I've been kicking it at La Trobe every Tuesday this semester with Chloe. We've been studying, talking to the local Marxists, going for walks and most importantly, eating burgies. We've been smashing them down on campus, buying them from Nuts-About-Tella, a little dessert and burgy joint that I believe only opened in the Agora within the last year. I didn't think the Agora could get any better food-wise, but it has. If only Deakin had a food court with more than two restaurants. Not that Deakin doesn't have other things going for it. Anyway, this a blog about burgies, not universities. Chloe, Zammo and I all ordered the Graduation Combo, which includes a Graduation burgy, small chips and a can of drink for just $10. This isn't a bad deal, especially when you compare it to the price of burgies elsewhere. The Graduation packs a beef patty, American cheddar, tomato & mustard sauce, and special burger sauce. This burgy goes all right, even if it looks like the ...

After a morning of fishing and swimming down here in Apollo Bay, Chloe and I went walking along the main strip of shops in search of some lunch. We had both agreed to give the burgies a rest for a while but we were so hungry that when we came across the Scorched Grill, we couldn't resist what we saw on the menu. We both ordered the Big Cheese, which packs a thick beef patty, tomato, lettuce, pickles, garlic aioli, tomato sauce, and, as the name suggests, cheese. Honestly, since we are outside the bustling hipster metropolis that Melbourne has become, I wasn't expecting much, so I was surprised to eat a pretty good burgy. The lettuce and tomato are fresh to the point of popping with flavour, while the patty drips with all the right juices. The pickles are cut into small slices and sprinkled throughout the burgy, dispersing flavour and balancing the ingredients out. Chloe wasn't a fan of this aspect, barely noticing their presence but I appreciated it. We both agreed that...

We're back on the other side of town for The Sporting Globe, which is a big favourite of ours because it combines burgies, beer and sport (read burgies and cocktails for Chloe). We've spent many Thursday nights here in the past taking advantage of the $14.90 burgies and $15.90 jugs but we've swapped Thursday night for Tuesday arvo in this review to jump on the 'Halftime Lunch' deal that runs from 12 pm to 3 pm, Monday to Wednesday. We've had all the burgies on the menu here at some point (including some good ones that have unfortunately been scrapped) except for the Field Burger, so I went vego and ordered that. The Field Burger boasts roasted Portobello mushrooms, grilled halloumi, tomato, avocado, roquette, Spanish onions, tomato relish and garlic aioli. It's a pretty good burgy that bursts with freshness, and, rightly or wrongly, you feel healthy eating it. The avocado continues its trendy, winning ways here, adding a cool, light touch to the pinch of t...

I got up at 4am today for work and boy oh boy was I hungry when I finished my shift. We went to Fat Staks in Bundoora to silence the ruckus in my stomach and suffice to say not only did I silence it, but I almost put myself in a coma. I opted for the Triplestory, which contains southern fried chicken, pulled pork, bacon, cheese, deep-fried mac 'n' cheese, barbecue sauce and Staks sauce. It's a bloody big burger, so big in fact that I gave up on eating it whole and just ate the individual ingredients. Doing so allowed me to conduct a finer analysis of the burgy. The chicken is succulent and just as good as any bit of fried chicken from anywhere else, although Chloe thought it was a bit bland. The bacon is cooked the way I like it, succulent and tender. It's not cooked to a dry, bitter crisp, which I really appreciate as when bacon is cooked like that it really detracts from a burgy rather than adding to it. The deep-fried mac 'n' cheese is good but also very ri...

It was decided that Tuesday night would be burgy night this week and so we went to Lilydale to check out Hello Harry, the burgy joint that had been taunting us on Instagram for a while now. Chloe ordered the USA, which swirls with sweet and savoury flavours. Indeed, the beef and bacon provide the thick, meaty flavour while the onion rings and tomato jam add an undercurrent of sweetness. The pickles are cut lengthwise, which Chloe appreciated as it keeps them from plopping out the end of the burger when you grip it in a state of manic hunger. The combination of mayo, mustard, pickles, onion rings, bacon, cheese, beef and tomato jam is just amazing, as is the fact this burgy hardly produces any spillage. I ordered the Redneck Burger, which tastes like a gourmet Whopper. Packing mayo, mustard, cheese, pickles, BBQ glaze, beef, onion, lettuce and tomato, it really is almost a replica of the Hungry Jack's classic. I think the mayo is the main culprit for the similar taste to Hungry ...

So this review was meant to be about Fat Staks at Uni Hill but as luck would have it, Fat Staks is closed on Mondays (and Tuesdays). As devastated as we were, we decided that burgies were still on the menu and went to One Plus Piece Cafe in Balwyn, continuing our tour of the eastern suburbs instead. The burgies there didn't disappoint. One Plus Piece Cafe is a Japanese American cafe inspired by the Japanese manga series, One Piece . The cafe is pretty much decorated in everything related to it, and even though I'm not a fan of it, I did like the overall vibe. It has a decent burgy menu as well. I ordered the Devil Mushroom, which contains a battered portobello, avocado, tomato, cos lettuce, red onion, cheese and chilli sauce between two green buns. The battered portobello is crispy af, and the avocado zings like zesty guacamole. It is a surprising burgy, full of fresh taste and quite filling as well, however, the chilli sauce is pretty much absent (Chloe also thought th...

2018 is here and Chloe and I wasted no time getting down to the business of burgies. I've neglected the eastern suburbs so far on this blog so to make amends, we went to Eastland to visit the famous Huxtaburger. My first burgy of the year was the Theo. It packs double beef, double cheese, bacon, barbecue sauce, mustard, mayo, lettuce, tomato and pickles. It's a quality burgy that's also quite filling, as you'd hope. The barbecue sauce isn't very prominent though, losing out to the mustard in the battle for the tastebuds. This prevents the burgy from being too sweet, as can sometimes happen with burgies that come with barbecue sauce. Chloe had the Cheesus, which also packs double beef and double cheese. Cheesy mayo, mustard, tomato sauce and pickles round it out. She described the mustard as cutting through the richness of the cheese, allowing the burgy to be cheesy without being overwhelmingly cheesy.  We both ordered onion rings to complement our burgie...

Today's post is a little different. As Hank Marvin Market's Big Burger Biannual was in town, Chloe, Madi and I found ourselves skimming our eyes over a selection of food trucks offering their best burgies rather than going to a restaurant. Since it's food truck season, I decided it would be a good opportunity to test out what a couple of these burgy joints on wheels have to offer. On a hot, dry day under the sun, foodies and families alike came down to check out the Big Burger Biannual at Watergardens Town Centre, Taylors Lakes. There were plenty of trucks to choose from, with most of them offering at least one burger of some sort. After doing a lap of the venue, we returned to Ron's Handburger, where we all ordered the Cheesy Bacon. The Cheesy Bacon, as you would expect, is very cheesy. Apart from melted cheese, this burger packs some cheese sauce and a nice, thick cut of bacon to go with the beef, lettuce, tomato, pickle, special house sauce and toasted brioch...